Friday, August 27, 2010

The Future of Customer Care

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut .. May I have your..."
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
Operator: "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold on......6102049998-45-54610"
Operator: "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 40942366, your office # is 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?"
Operator: "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator: "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator: "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator: "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator: "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular
Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"
Operator: "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"
Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"
Operator: "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir, Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator: "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator: "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..."
Customer: " Wat!"
Operator: "According to the details in system , you own a scooter ...registration number 1123..."
Customer: " *'!^ *%^**%^I7*"
Operator: "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 2007 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?"
Customer: [Speechless]
Operator: "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator: "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "

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